Who's In Your Circle?
By Bruce Mufson, LCSW
One point I try to get across to my students is, there will come a time where you have to decide who is really there for you and who is not. As harsh as this reality may seem, I want them to realize that a lot of people that they meet (not only in this line of work as a therapist but life in general), are people that are not going to be around for the long haul. With that in mind, how many of us can truly say we have a strong circle of friends or acquaintances who will always remain loyal and seek to protect? Much like the Praetorian Guards of ancient Rome who were the inner circle of bodyguards that would provide close and personal protection for a Caesar, I want them to learn how to establish a “Praetorian Guard” for themselves.
I am reminded of a story from Jewish history about a young man who went to his father and said that he had dozens of friends and all of them were loyal to him. The father understanding the youth of his son, said to him, “if you have one true friend you are incredibly wealthy and if you have two true friends you are richer than the richest king”. To help him better understand this point, he told his son to take an empty sack and fill it with papers and once done, go to each of his friends and say that he had a body in the bag and that he needed help with disposing of it. The son did as he was told but soon learned a harsh reality. As he went from friend to friend, he was told without hesitation to immediately leave with the door being locked in his face. Then finally he came to one friend with the same request and after the friend looked up and down both sides of the streets told him to come inside. From this experience the son returned back to his father a wiser young man.
I remember once reading an article on NBA superstar LeBron James in which he said that he has four childhood friends running his empire even though none of them have a degree in law, business or accounting. As he explained it, if they needed someone with those skills they would simply hire an individual to do the needed job, pay them for their services, and send them on their way. Because James knew these four friends from his childhood days growing up, he felt they would be loyal to him and in essence, look out for his best interests and not steal from or take advantage of him.
The point that I am trying to make via the above stories is that as we go through life we meet a lot of people along the way. Most of these encounters are short lived and then fade away. However, every so often we meet individuals that share our likes and interests and seem to naturally be in sync with what we are trying to accomplish. These individuals are the ones that you need to cling to, as they can look out for your best interest and in a sense watch your back.
The goal of being in such a Guard is that you learn each other’s strengths, weaknesses, and how to function as a team; if one raises the other one can rise as well. This inner circle is always going to change. People leave or retire and new talent will have to be found and nurtured. The important thing is to keep your circle small. You want to only allow those individuals into your inner circle that can add to or bring value to what you are doing. Always be on the lookout for new groups to join and new talent to bring in. The key is that they have to share the same vision and purpose with the goal of moving forward in support of your ambitions and dreams as well as theirs.
About the author:
Bruce Mufson has a MSW from the University of Georgia, which he received in 1995. Throughout his 20+ years as a LCSW, Bruce has clinically assessed thousands of individuals. Bruce’s experience has been vast and wide and has come to include individual and group therapy, prison setting counseling for youth offenders, working with sex offenders, youth parole and probation.
