Time Well Spent
By Bruce Mufson, LCSW
Due to the nature of my work as a Social Worker, I am often called upon to work long hours which unfortunately takes away from time with my kids. To say that I was not around for a lot of things while they were growing up is an understatement. The irony, and in life there are many of them, is that for myself growing up I never wanted to spend time with my father as the experiences tended to be either wildly unpredictable or in general, unpleasant. My kids on the other hand enjoy spending time with me as I am an endless supply of humor for them in how fat I am, generally clueless about life, and how my hair continues to get thinner and thinner among other things. The truth is that I don’t mind. Let them crash against my shores with their attempts at humor and sarcasm and learn what is appropriate and what is simply stupid and insensitive. Because once that reservoir of adolescence is emptied, they open up to me about their issues with school, friends and most important, about life and what they have to do to make their mark on the world.
A few Sundays ago I was able to spend time with both my sons. This is very unusual in that over the past ten years, I have been off on a Sunday maybe a half a dozen times where I was not doing something that was work related. I ended up taking one of my sons to two local exhibits. The first exhibit he found to be a total waste of time as he was not interested in architectural designs of buildings. Go figure… The second exhibit was of a kid’s author which seemed to hold his interest a little more. My son was able to ask me some questions about the author and his style of writing and drawing which I was gladly willing to answer. From this experience at both exhibits, I hoped my son was able to comprehend that when his dad has free time, he wants to spend it with him.
Too often as parents we feel that we have to hit the home run every time we do something with our kids. Hey, it would be great if every experience was outstanding, but the reality is, its not. The truth is kids don’t really care about that stuff. They simply want to know that you are interested in them enough to make an effort to just spend time with them.
Later that day, I took my older son driving as he is now at that age where driving is the most important thing in the world. As a parent, I want him to get his license so that he can experience how a car can provide a sense of freedom and independence as it once did for me when I was his age. We drove around for a while which I considered to be a success, as we and did not rear-end anyone or hit a wall. Afterwards we stopped for a soda and just talked for a little bit about what was going on with him. It’s funny how as you get older you remember your own rite of passage moments. I remember when my father use to take me out driving. The first memory that comes to mind is my father and I screaming and cussing back and forth at each other. I quickly surmised at that moment that this was not the way I wanted to be learn how to drive, so I paid to go to driving school with my own money and then bought a car without the assistance of my father.
Today, more and more young people are avoiding divorce by avoiding marriage. As a result, more than half of all American children will have an unmarried mother. The absence of a biological father increases the likelihood that a child will exhibit antisocial behaviors like aggression, rule-breaking and delinquency. Young boys in that environment are 40 percent less likely to finish high school or attend college, regardless of race.
Check out the latest video from Bruce Mufson as he discusses the importance of a fathers involvement in a child's development and what makes a good father.
Now did these activities seriously impact or change my kid’s lives forever, probably not? But, what I wanted both my son's to hopefully understand that day is that their father does the best he can and loves and enjoys their company, at least most of the time... Just joking. My hope for both my sons is that one day when they are fathers and have families of their own, they will do the little things for their kids and have their children look at them the same way they look at me.
About the author:
Bruce Mufson has a MSW from the University of Georgia, which he received in 1995. Throughout his 20+ years as a LCSW, Bruce has clinically assessed thousands of individuals. Bruce’s experience has been vast and wide and has come to include individual and group therapy, prison setting counseling for youth offenders, working with sex offenders, youth parole and probation.
